Over the years, I have struggled with how to deal with my feelings. Whenever sadness, anger, or frustration rose within me, I really didn’t know how to deal with them. So, I simply suppressed them, which isn’t a good idea. I was always searching for the tools to deal with my feelings.
Then, one day, I came up with The Pity Party Dance Off. The Pity Party Dance Off allows you to experience feelings fully and then let them go. Here is how it works:
Step 1: Whenever a feeling arises, immediately allow yourself to feel it. Go into a private room: the bathroom, the stock room at your work, a broom closet, or your home’s pantry. Any private spot will do just fine. Anywhere you will be alone and can fully express yourself.
Step 2: Once you enter the room put a ten-to-fifteen-minute (depending on the severity of your feelings) timer on your phone.
Step 3: Once the timer starts, allow yourself to express fully exactly how you are feeling in the moment. Maybe you need to cry, scream into a pillow, punch the air vigorously, jump up and down, shake out your entire body, or simply sit in complete stillness and just breathe deeply. Please note: You will intuitively know exactly what to do in that moment.
Step 4: Fully feel and express yourself until the timer goes off.
Step 5: Once the timer goes off and you have fully allowed yourself to feel exactly what it is you needed to feel, repeat this to yourself: ____________ [Insert name], I love you and you are safe. You can now let this go and move on.
Step 6: Then, play your favourite soundtrack on your phone. I love Rihanna’s “Shine Bright Like a Diamond” (It always makes me feel like a superstar!) or Katy Perry‘s “Roar”. Dance your heart out. Bonus points if you sing along as loudly as you can. This will instantly snap you out of your funk.
I personally have found this to be the best technique for allowing myself to quickly shed feelings and not have a week-long pity party for myself like I used to. Let’s face it: S#@t is always going to come up in our lives. But this technique allows you to fully feel it, shake is off, and then let it go.
The next time a feeling rises within you, have a Pity Party Dance Off. Let me know how it works for you.
I was having dinner last week with one of my besties, my soul sister and absolute love…..(God, I love my friends!) Anyways, back to it. She mentioned to me that one of her friends feels very triggered by me. Now, I have never met this girl. So, I didn’t take this personally. I actually didn’t care at all. This started a discussion about how some people will feel inspired by my work and others may feel very triggered.
Why is that? we thought.
The reason isn’t because someone is further along their path than someone else, or someone is more enlightened than the other.
It all depends on the amount of s%*t you have going on in your mind at that given moment.
My soul sisters are kicking sweet ass right now, becoming authors, touring Australia, being asked to speak at Ted, and choosing love over fear. Now, the old me would have felt very threatened by their success. But, I now feel incredibly inspired by them. I am their biggest cheerleader and number one fan. I’ve spoken about comparisonitis many, many times on my blog, at my events, and in my keynotes. But, the fact is: It still comes up. We have to get better and better at catching it. It takes practice…like anything. Your mean girl wants you to compare yourself to your friends because then she wins.
Mean Girl 1: You 0
Do you find yourself comparing yourself to your friends, celebrities, or even strangers on Instagram?
Don’t worry! You’re not alone. We all do it, BUT, that doesn’t make it okay.
Comparison is the thief of joy and it has to STOP.
Follow these guides on how to treat your soul sisters:
- Feel genuinely happy for your soul sisters.
- Be their biggest cheerleader.
- Support them.
- Inspire them to be the best version of themselves.
- Love them unconditionally.
- Share with them.
- Teach them.
- Listen to them without interrupting.
- Put down your phone when they are sharing with you and be 100% present.
- Send them love always.
- Feel inspired by their greatness.
- Listen—and I mean really listen—to what they are saying.
- Don’t give your opinion until it has been asked.
- Let your soul sister cry when she needs to. Never ever stop her. Just hold space for her to get it all out. That’s what sisters are for
Take a moment now to write down all the soul sisters in your life. Next to each name, write one thing you love about that person.
Share with me in the comments below a quality you love in each of your soul sisters.
Beautiful tribe, I have a very big announcement to make:
I AM ENGAGED!!!!!!
The man of my dreams, my best friend, my soul mate, the love of my life, asked me to marry him. I am over the moon and overflowing with love. EEEK!!! I am so excited that I could jump through the computer and kiss you.
People used to say to me, “When you know, you know!”
To be honest, I thought that was a load of bullocks. Until I met Nick. I knew, on our first date, that I was going to marry him. I even texted one of my besties and said, ‘He’s the one!’ I’ve never felt like this before. This relationship is real, open and, wilder than my dreams. Every day I pinch myself and feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world.
But, you know what? It’s got nothing to do with luck and everything to do with worthiness. This is exactly how I always dreamed I would feel in an overflowing relationship. There is no need, agenda, or expectation we just simply LOVE each other’s company and want to spend the rest of our lives together. That’s it. I don’t need him and he doesn’t need me.
I used to be quite the relationship cynic. I didn’t ever want to get married nor have babies. I didn’t believe in marriage either…Until I met Nick. Funny what happens when you meet The One.
I am so excited about this beautiful news and can’t wait to share this exciting journey with you all.
Sending you bucket loads of love,
I wake up in a beautiful home every morning. I have the man of my dreams. I am fit, and healthy. I do ‘work’ I LOVE. I have a beautiful family, amazing friends, and I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world…So, what’s wrong? Absolutely nothing! But I often find my mean girl trying to sabotage me. What the heck?
Why would our mean girl do such a thing? The reason is because our ego wants to keep us small. Her job is to keep us in fear and in suffering. She will do whatever it takes to sabotage us.
The key is to catch her when she tries to do this. I know it’s not easy! It takes work and regular, moment-to-moment practice. You can’t expect to avoid your mean girl’s sabotage if you’re not willing to do the work. It’s like expecting to have a six pack but never going to the gym. It ain’t gonna happen, sista!
Whenever this comes up, that’s your opportunity to practice not listening to your mean girl. That’s the work, my sweet friend.
Next time your mean girl tries to sabotage a perfectly good moment, quickly catch her. Close the door on her, and come back to your true essence, love.
I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give to the world is to show up wholeheartedly and authentically. When we show up as the best version of ourselves, full to the brim, we show up fully and we allow others to do the same.
Back when I used to be in TV, I was constantly trying to impress and be anything but myself. I was always trying to be something I wasn’t to get people to like and hire me. God! That was tiring—exhausting, actually.
Over the years, I have become more and more comfortable in my own skin. With time, I have cared less and less what other people think of me.
Remember: Opinions are like a#&holes.
Everyone has one.
I no longer look for external acceptance, love, or appreciation. I feel it all within me.
Don’t get me wrong! There are still moments when I forget. But, I am getting quicker and quicker at reminding myself.
A lot of people have an issue with putting themselves first. This is especially true of my Mummy clients. It can seem ‘selfish’. Right?
In order for you do be the best Mother, daughter, sister, friend, lover, boss, or colleague, you have to fill yourself up so that you can show up at your 100%!
Do you want to give your children the 50% crappy, shitty, cranky version of you or the 100% (over flowing with love) version of you? I choose the latter.
I always want to give the best me to the world. In order for me to do that, here are some of the things that I need to do:
- Eat to nourish my body.
- Get eight hours of good quality rest every night.
- Surround myself with inspiring, like-minded souls.
- Read and educate myself.
- Meditate twice a day.
- Listen to music. Sing at the top of my lungs, and dance like no one is watching.
- Connect with nature every day. (Diving into the ocean is a must!)
- Feel the sun on my skin.
- Have deep connections with loved ones.
- Laugh my head off at least once a day.
- Watch the sun rise or set.
I know this list might seem long. But, you know what? I am worth it, and so are you, my love.
So, share with me in the comments below what you do to fill yourself up.
Everything I do in my life is from a place of love. From what I choose to nourish my body with, how I move my body each day, the work I do, the people I surround myself with, what I do in my relaxing time, to how I look at self-care. Everything comes from a place of love.
In the past, all of the above came from fear. I used to exercise because I hated my body (fear). I ate whatever was the most convenient, the cheapest and the quickest (fear). I surrounded myself with toxic people (fear). I got drunk in my free time (fear). And trashed my body (fear).
Do all things out of love.
Easier said than done. Right?
I know, I know! You have to go to that shit box of a thing you call work, sit with people you hate, and pretend you care about profit and loss statements.
What a drag! So why are you doing it? Because you want the regular pay check? Or because you are too scared to follow that passion of yours?
Fear, Fear, Fear.
Your true essence is love, my darling. It wants to be expressed through everything you do.
In times of uncertainly, confusion, or doubt ask yourself this:
What would love do in this situation?
This is one of the best ways to get clarity and come back to love.
Give it a go! Let me know in the comments below how it goes.
I saw the above image on Instagram the other day and really felt moved to write about it.
Our truth is love.
The divine essence of who we are is love.
So, why all the BS in this image?
It’s our ego’s way of keeping us small and in fear. The ego doesn’t want us to remember the truth: that we are love.
You may remember, a few weeks ago, I shared with you why I believe we are here. To be of service and to choose love over fear in every moment are two of my biggest reasons.
Now, show me where giving and love come into the above image? It’s all ego BS. And until you can see that you will remain in fear.
Love never hides, my sweet friend!
Fear is a defense mechanism and not your truth. Remember that!
Every time fear rears its ugly head, feel it, dive head first into it, and remember it’s not your truth: love is.
Don’t play games.
Pick up the phone.
Show you care.
Speak your truth.
Don’t bring your old stuff into the new relationship.
Dive head first into vulnerability.
Remember: You are worthy.
Open your heart.
Don’t close off.
Don’t press replay on your past.
Remember: This is a new moment.
Always come back to love.
Follow these guidelines and you will experience a deeper depth of romantic love.
Over to you, my beautiful tribe. Have you ever found yourself subscribing to the above BS fear based model?
Last week-end, I attended a wedding in Noosa. I sat in the middle between two of my oldest besties. We have been friends for over fifteen years. We know each so well, like sisters! There’s a deep respect and unconditional love that has deepened over the years. Even though we haven’t lived in the same city and sometimes even the same country for many of those years, every time I see these two girls, we pick up exactly where we left off. It’s the kind of friendship where, every time you walk away, you feel warm, juicy, and deeply grateful to have them in your life.
I think this is how all friendships should be. They should be the kind of relationships where there are no conditions—just real, authentic love. I don’t have to speak to these friends every day or invite them on every holiday. We just have a deep, sisterly bond. We tell it how it is, which is sometimes confronting. But, we are real with each other.
That’s unconditional love.
We don’t piss in each other’s pockets. These girls will be the first to call me on my shit, to snap me out of a funk, and to show me any areas in my life where I am not being authentic. To me, this is more valuable than fifteen girlfriends that are nice to your face and bitch about you behind your back.
When I was younger, having a big group of girlfriends was important to me. But, now, I value quality over quantity.
Although I have only a few friends with whom I have been friends for over fifteen years, over the past few years, I have made some great new friends. When I first met these new friends, it felt like I had known them my whole life.
Have you ever had that happen? I believe it’s because we were meant to meet. Our souls were meant to play together in this lifetime. Or, maybe we were related in a past life. Who knows? The time you have known someone is irrelevant.
I was talking to Jess about this last night. When we first met, it was like we had known each our whole lives. It was effortless, fun, and real. We weren’t trying to be anything but ourselves. As a result, we have a beautiful, unconditional friendship.
A lot of my clients entertain toxic friendships because they value quantity over quality. In some cases, they are scared they will be alone.
I know exactly how this feels. But, when you take up space with people whose companionship is no longer serving you, there’s no room for new angels to come into your life.
If I hadn’t created space in my life, I might not have met Jess.
I know it’s scary. It can feel really lonely at times. But, honour yourself enough to surround yourself with beautiful souls.
That doesn’t mean dump all your friends right now! I just want you to be mindful of what you value and what you are surrounding yourself with. You deserve the absolute best. In order to be the best version of yourself, sometimes that means creating a little space.
In times when loneliness pops up it’s head, gently remind yourself to trust. The universe is always here to support and guide you.
Guest post by Rachel MacDonald
Ever get side-swiped by feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, self-loathing, jealousy, not goodenoughness or conflict… with yourself?
You’re not alone, gorgeous. We all do. The way us humans are made up means the ability to feel the full spectrum of emotions is stamped in our DNA, but the good news is, nothing in life is permanent. There’s always light on the other side of suffering. (Ahh. Feel that? Annnnd, exhale.)
There’s a super-simple, but super-powerful way to open your heart to receiving more love and more magic in your life, and I’m going to introduce you to it right now.
We’re going to write a self-love letter. Yep. We sure are.
Before we dive in to the actual writing of your letter, I want to share some suggestions for what to do with it once you’re done.
* Print it off and read it just before you meditate. Hello, stillness love-fest.
* Stick a copy in your journal or on the wall next to your computer. Daily boost-ups are the best.
* Pop it in an envelope marked ‘Open me when feeling confused/ alone/ unworthy/ unloved.”This too shall pass.
* Ask a loved one to post it to you “sometime down the track.” Love-soaked surprises in the mail rock.
It’s also worth mentioning that:
Writing this letter may (probably will) bring up your resistance.
Your inner critic – the mean girl – might pipe up and say things like “This is stupid” or “I sound completely arrogant” or “I’d be mortified if someone read this.” Ignore the voice. Keep going, gently, and give yourself the gift of (self) love today – because when you choose to raise your vibration and nourish yourself from the inside first, your outer world will rise up to meet you in that sacred place. No question about it.
So – ready to go? Let’s start with my example:
Hey beautiful Rach,
I’ve got a few important things to tell you and I’m going to start with this:
I love you.
You have a bright, beaming smile. I adore the way your eyes dance when you’re happy.
You’re also brilliant at expressing yourself creatively and uncovering the best in people and situations.
Your burning desire to make people feel good inspires me endlessly.
I see your curiosity, strength and passion for life.
You know what? When you bounce around the kitchen laughing, you’re so alive. So radiant. I love that.
I’m grateful that you:
Move your body daily
Make the time for stillness and reflection
Love as fully as you can
As you go out in the world today, tomorrow and every day, my wish is that you feel joyful and cherished, always.
I want to finish by saying:
I am here for you.
When you’re feeling fearful, worried and self-doubt-y, remember: all that ‘stuff’ is just an illusion created by the Ego. Your mean girl having a moment. It’s not WHO you are.
You are already perfect.
I love you.
PS: I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you call your besties for a catch up today?
Copy, paste and print out the below or handwrite your letter in your journal, filling in the gaps.
Hey beautiful _____ (your name)
I’ve got a few important things to tell you and I’m going to start with this:
I love you.
You have ______ (favourite feature). I adore the way ______ (special thing you do) when you’re
You’re also brilliant at ______ and ________.
Your ____________________ (mission/ intention) inspires me endlessly.
I see your _______, _____ and ______ (strengths).
You know what? When you _____ (funny/quirky thing), you’re so alive. So radiant. I love that.
I’m grateful that you (actions you do to honour yourself):
As you go out in the world today, tomorrow and every day, my wish is that you feel _______
(power words/ feelings) and _______ always.
I want to finish by saying:
I am here for you.
When you’re feeling _____, ______ and _____ (low-vibe emotions), remember: all that ‘stuff’ is
just an illusion created by the Ego. Your mean girl having a moment. It’s not WHO you are.
You are already perfect.
I love you.
_______ (your name)
PS: I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you _____ (thing that makes you feel amazing) today?
Guest post by Jennifer Kass
I am so honored to be guest posting on Mel’s blog, a blog shining light in the community and powerful self-love teacher. To celebrate our shared mission, I’ll focus this post on self-love.
Self-love is the baseline of happiness. When we are in a space of love, we create sustainable happiness within, and serve on the highest level. How we treat ourselves is how we treat those around us and the larger world; how we treat ourselves is reflected back to us in how others treat us and if we are in an allowing space for the universe to support us. When we are practicing self-love, this beautiful internal abundance creates an overflow of all that we desire, manifesting in relationships that support and nourish us, work that we love, financial and physical health, creativity and inspiration, and a life that flows with more ease and less struggle.
The first step to cultivating self-love is clearing the blocks to the love that is within us. As we dissolve our barriers to love, we heal and simultaneously heal the world, because separation is an illusion–in truth we are all one.
The only thing that blocks us from our truth, from the love that lives within us, is fear. From a spiritual perspective, the ego is synonymous with fear and it’s something we’ve learned here–not something we’re born with. The ego’s fearful perceptions are based on illusions because only love is real. As we begin to witness the ego’s stories, we shed the shrouds of doubt, worry, judgment, blame, confusion, lack, and fears of not being good enough. We do this by becoming mindful of our thoughts and feelings. When we’re feeling tight or in a space of struggle or negativity, the ego has taken the driver’s seat. Our work is to see the ego in action and choose love instead.
As we begin to choose love over fear, we release ourselves from the bondage of fear and break free into who we really are.
With every fearful perception in which we choose to see love instead, we dismantle the illusion that the ego has created, bringing us more peace, more strength and more happiness. As we begin to quiet the voice of fear, we can listen to the voice of love. This is a calm, knowing voice that has all of our answers and can guide us to exactly what we need to say, what we need to do and where we need to go. It comes through in intuition, prayer, meditation, gut feelings, conversations with friends, a teacher, books, or even a positive message on a Facebook newsfeed.
The more we begin to listen to our inner guiding system, the more we think and act from a place of self-love, leading us to a life beyond our wildest dreams. This space of self-love powerfully magnetizes to us all that we need, whether it’s new relationships or opportunities. We are made of energy and our thoughts affect our energy, which then affects our outward experience. When we’re using the power of the love energy within us, we are limitless in what we can create and attract.
Our willingness to drop the ego’s fearful illusions, allows us to access our truth within. When we connect with ourselves by asking for guidance, listen to it, trust it, courageously act on it and then surrender the outcome to the care of our inner guide, our higher self, we’ve gotten out of our own way and are working from a higher way of being–this is what I call The Happiness Equation.
Ask + Listen + Trust + Act + Surrender = Happiness
As we begin to strengthen our faith in ourselves and in love, we blast past old habits, addictions and patterns that are no longer serving us. We are truly showing up for ourselves and this allows for the highest growth and expansion to occur. Every moment, every relationship, every feeling of pain or discomfort is an opportunity to see things differently and break the cycle of fear and struggle. Our power lies in our choice.
Continue your journey back to your best self and create a life you love, with these first steps, also shared in Jennifer’s new free 25-page guide called The Happiness Blueprint. Get your copy when you join her community at www.jenniferkassllc.com.
Jennifer Kass is a holistic happiness coach and spiritual mentor, based in NYC, who guides clients around the world in one-on-one transformational programs that align all areas of your life, allowing you to step into your full potential. Jennifer uses practical spiritual tools that provide a gateway to your inner happiness, and a holistic approach integrating diet + lifestyle changes, for a radical shift.