Guest post by Jamie Gonzalez
It’s okay. Just so you know: We start off on a positive note… I have escaped and am no longer hi-jacked. Phewww! It took six weeks off social media activity—having none whatsoever. This was super intimidating—especially because I do love using social media to spread my message.
I was scared! It was like shutting down a part of myself. But, the scariest part of this story is the realization that I wasn’t aware that my life had been hi-jacked.
The cause of the hi-jacking of my life was simple. I was someone that naively used social media like everyone else out there. I would create posting and blogs, add quotes and pictures of my travels, inspiration and life on Instagram and Facebook. I would glance down at my phone and be checking all the different types of social media feeds whilst walking somewhere, waiting for my number to be called, having a coffee in a café, or relaxing on my couch at night. I even had one of those not-so-proud moments. I realised that checking on social media was the first and last thing I did during my day.
I suppose I never really thought about it. This was normal behaviour. Right? Everyone was doing it: my girlfriend, my mum, the post man, and the other guys in the café. Even my friends’ pets had Facebook accounts!
You see: The thing that got me was that I didn’t realize how often I would, out of absolute habit, just check my social media. My Ego had found a way of plugging me into the world and bringing me out of the present moment. I was allowing my Ego to entertain so many games which kept me from actually being present with myself.
How often do you check social media and start comparing your life to everyone else’s? Theirs always looks rosier because everyone loves to put up only the amazing stuff. This selective sharing brings to mind questions about whether we are really happy with what we have and who we are.
One of the ways I know my Ego survives is by ensuring I am plugged into duality. There’s you and I. Here I am: my identity. Here you are: your identity. We exist with all our stories that make us into the person we believe ourselves to be. Just check out my photo albums from this week, last month, and last year. They should tell you a good story of who I am. Right? Check out what people say about me and how I am received. Check out who I know and who knows me.
I have come to realize that social media is just one huge playground for the Ego. People are just simply expressing themselves in order to be received in some way—to be accepted for who they think they are.
I then look for the signposts which make me feel as though I am doing okay. These include: How many likes did that post get? How many likes did that photo get? How many followers do I have? What type of comments did I get? Are people actually interested in me?
All this points to one thing: We are all searching for love and acceptance. But this type of love is external. You could say that by using social media from an aspect of Ego then I am looking for love in all the wrong places.
When I take the time to be present with myself and actually sit with who I am and what I am experiencing right now, I give myself the opportunity to avoid getting distracted from the real stuff–the stuff that makes you and me special and great.
I found that, by not going to check my social media feeds, I was so much more present in my day. I noticed things about myself I hadn’t before. I would find ways to entertain distracting thoughts by checking in with the rest of the world.
This stopped me from feeling even deeper into my own experience. It stopped me from reaching deeper into my own soul. It brought out, in a clearer sense, what I would truly love. It was apparent to me: the only person to whom realizing what love is has importance.
I asked myself: If you know who you are, if you truly believe that who you are is limitless and something that can never be defined or limited, an infinite energy, then why do you make it about the outside world and try to define yourself in the world?
I realized it was just another way in which my Ego had distracted me from the truth of who I am and knowing that in each and every moment I have and am everything I could ever need or want. When I know this and spend the time to feel into this space I no longer care about the Facebook likes or comments. I simply express because it feels true and comes from love itself.
Don’t get me wrong. I believe social media has a place in this world. However, from now on, I’ll be using it rather than letting it use me. Before posting something, I’ll be checking in to ensure it comes from the right space rather than that part of me that’s looking to exist: my Ego.
How often do you fill in the empty space with checking social media? How often do you just sit with the experience you are having—no matter how simple or even maybe boring? Tell me in the comments below.
I challenge you to just take a week off social media and see what comes up for you.
When we first start on this journey, it can all seem very overwhelming (It did for me anyway!). But that’s because I was comparing myself to others. It felt like there were a billion things to do before I could get to that point of happiness and health at which I saw others. I so desperately wanted to get there. A client said to me, yesterday, ‘I just want to get there already.’
It’s not a race to the finish line. It’s not about the destination. It’s the journey that counts. And, if you’re looking outside of yourself to arrive, you will never get there. It’s a journey and, of course, I am still on mine. Some people think that I am ‘perfect’. Heck no! I am still on my journey and always will be. I am constantly working on myself and reminding myself of the truth. (Let’s be honest! There are moments/ days where I forget too.) In saying that, I do feel as though I have been through the thick of it now and I no longer fear the future. I know that I will experience whatever I need to experience.
So why is it a race for some?
They are comparing themselves to others.
They think that others have something they don’t. They feel that they need to fix, change, or improve themselves in order to ‘arrive’. The truth is: You already have arrived and you already are love and you already are present. You don’t need to fix, change, or improve anything.
So, if you already are present and the truth of who you are is love, why all the trying to fix, change, or improve everything outside of ourselves?
It keeps you from really looking at the dirty mess you have created and piled up all around your life. It’s ‘easier’ to point, judge, and blame people and things outside of ourselves. But you’re at a point now where it’s time to clean up the mess you have created, as you would a messy bedroom. It’s time to fold and put away the clothes. Let go of old, dirty, smelly socks. Throw the rubbish in the bin. Make the bed. Pull back the curtains, and open the windows. Arhhhh! Now you can see clearly. Now you can see what was always there under that dirty mess: a perfectly clean and tidy room.
Don’t get disheartened by the mess. Simply choose to clean it up. You can try and race to the finish line by buying new furniture and putting it on top of the old dirt and mess. But you’re only masking what’s really under there. Trust me! If you don’t deal with it now, you will only have to deal with it later—maybe in two months or two years.
Stop comparing yourself, my love. Enjoy the journey. Accept exactly where you’re at because where you’re at right now is perfect.
I want to hear from you, darling. Are you trying to race to the finish line? Do you compare yourself to others like I used to?
My partner very much lives his life in the flow. Now this used to shit me. It was so hard to plan holidays, what we were going to do on the weekend, or even what we’d have for dinner that night. He always wanted to ‘go with the flow’ and ‘see how he felt in that moment’. He would say to me, “Darling, how can I tell you now what I am going to feel like doing on Saturday? It doesn’t exist yet!”
Good point! Buuuuutttttttttttttt I WANT TO KNOW NOW!!!!
Hello, control freak.
Over the years, I have very much adapted to this in-the-flow business. But, I still have moments of wanting to plan, plan, plan (this is just my ego, by the way!)
Most weekends, Jamie and I don’t plan anything. We see how we feel on the day. But, I still usually have a rough idea of what I need or want to do.
Oh! Hi, control freak.
But this weekend, I did a little experiment.
On Sunday, we had absolutely no plans. As I lay on the beach at 10:30 on Sunday morning, it hit me. I have nothing planned for today. My mean girl went into freak-out mode, wanting to go straight into planning.
I turned to Jamie and shared what was going on internally for me. “Darling, I just realised we have no plans. Now this can go one of two ways: I can freak out or I can sit with the feeling of having nothing on.”
I sat with the feelings that came up for me and realised there was nothing to fear. It was all just my ego.
You see, our mean girl (aka ego), wants to keep us busy, busy, busy constantly to prevent us from actually stopping and just being. Your mean girl will keep you going at a million miles per hour in your head to keep you out of the present moment.
Why? Because that’s the only way the ego can survive. Your ego cannot live in the present moment. So, it will do whatever it takes to keep you in your head and in the past or future.
And don’t be fooled! It will sneak up in there when you least expect it. Be on guard and super present to catch your tricky, sneaky, little ego.
The only way to be on guard and catch your ego is to be in the here and now.
We must keep bringing our attention back into the present moment.
Whenever you go off in your head, remind yourself to come back. This is like the self-love muscle I talk about in my book: 12 Steps to Wellness. It’s a moment-to-moment practice.
As a result of completely surrounding on Sunday, I had one of the best days of my life. It was filled with so much love. Randomly bumping into old and new friends that I really wanted to see. An impromptu sunset dinner. Hysterical laughing fits. Dancing and singing my lungs out to shine bright like a diamond with my bestie. Amazing company. A magical sunset. Delicious food, and ocean swims.
You see: None of that magic would have happened if I had gone into planning mode. It all happened in the moment.
Wake up each morning with the intention to be present. At the end of my meditation each morning I say,
“Today, I commit to being fully present and in the here and now.”
Write this on Post It notes and stick it all over your house so you don’t forget!
Now, I want to hear from you, gorgeous. Are you a planner? If so, how do you bring yourself back to the present moment?
Originally featured on Move Nourish Believe
Welcome to week four (our last week) of Believe Bootcamp.
Before we get started, I want to take a moment to acknowledge you for all your hard work and dedication over the past few weeks. You seriously ROCK! I know how hard it is to take responsibility for our feelings and look within. So kudos to you, gorgeous!
But it ain’t over yet, sister!
Now that you’re well aware of the nasty things your mean girl says to you, you have the tools to flex your self-love muscle. You’ve quit comparing yourself. You’re ready to start to live your best life. No more excuses. You know too much now. All you have to do is BELIEVE in yourself. Believe you deserve the best! Because you DO, my love.
To BELIEVE and love oneself unconditionally is the biggest gift one can give herself. Once we BELIEVE, nothing else matters. All else falls away and evaporates. When we love ourselves, we don’t compare. We choose nourishing foods. We commit to being present. We practise forgiveness every day. We give. We share. We support. We are completely and utterly grateful for air and all that we are experiencing. We’re authentic, honest, open, raw, real, and loving. We move our tush lovingly each day. We follow our heart. We speak the truth. We sit in stillness. We pray. We meditate. We stay on purpose. We surround ourselves with inspiring kick ass souls. We jump out of bed each morning. We honour our temple. We cherish our gifts. We make self-care a priority and self-love a non-negotiable.
Now is your time to sign the contract with yourself. Print this off and stick it on your fridge.
Originally featured on Move Nourish Believe
How did you pull up from last week’s self-love workout?
Before we dive into Week 3 of Believe Bootcamp I have a confession to make. I used to suffer from‘comparisonitis’ (a little something my friend Rach has written about here). I lived in a constant state of ‘not feeling good enough’ and compared how I looked, the work I did, how much money I made, my shoes, how many clients I had, my handbags, clothes, my hair, boyfriend, relationships, my home, my weight, the car I drove, my happiness…..EVERYTHING!!
However, on my path to wellness I’ve come to realise that comparison robbed me of happiness. When we compare ourselves, we are coming from fear (your mean girl), the opposite to love. I used to be so unconscious that I didn’t even realise I was living in fear. Now I know the truth. Phew!
You see the mean girl (aka ego) compares to keep you in suffering and out of your heart, that’s the mean girls job and the way she survives.
But why would your mean girl do that?
Because the ego can NOT survive in love. So, it will do whatever it takes (like compare you to everyone else) to keep you out of your heart. It’s just another sneaky trick of the ego.
When I was in comparing mode, nothing flowed in my life. I would compare how many clients I had with others. As a result, I had none. I would compare my bank balance. And money never flowed. I compared my relationship and it flopped. I compared how I looked and could never shift the weight. But, as soon as I saw what was really going on, I remembered that I had a choice. I could choose to come from love or stay in fear. I chose the first and I want you to as well. Why?
Well, now that I live this way new clients are drawn to me, I am fully booked (without any marketing). Money flows in. My relationship freaking rocks. I am content in my skin and best of all, it’s effortless.
Looking back I realised when I lived in a state of comparison my friendships are vastly different to the friendships I have now. Back then it was like a competition – who could compare the most. Now though, my friends are successful, courageous and passionate entrepreneurs, changing lives and doing what they love. This is a reflection of where I am in my life. No longer do I entertain toxic relationships.
“Instead of gossiping about who’s skinner, what we didn’t eat and who kissed the hottest boy, we talk about our favourite raw recipes, realising our dreams and positive change.”
Maybe the biggest difference of all is that we are all completely authentic with each other – there’s no masks, cover-ups or secrets. Gone are those days. Thank god!
So gorgeous girl, I invite you to catch yourself next time you go into compare mode. Maybe even take a moment, to look at the relationships in your life that are based on comparison. Gently remind yourself to slide back into your heart (it’s so much warmer in there). Be grateful for what is, choose to come from love and let your mean girl take the back seat.
A while ago I was lucky enough to sit down with this incredible man for a chat during his Australian visit. This man needs no introduction but in case you don’t know Dr D (I hope it’s ok I call him that) is a world-leading human behaviour specialist, educator and author. Oh, and he’s worked with my inspiration, the amazing Louise Hay, appeared on Larry King live, been a contributor to Oprah Magazine AND featured in The Secret (yep! he’s big alright).
We spoke about passion, purpose, comparing, hero’s, self-love and so much more. I so excited to share this video with you. Dr D also shared with me his incredible gratitude journal (/bible – I’m telling you this thing was big!). His passion and enthusiasm for empowering people to live their dream life really shines through.
In the video we talk about:
+ Why he created the break-through experience (that’s his workshop program – he’ll be back later this year to run them down under)
+ How to bust through self-loathing so you can live a passionate life.
+ He talks us through the ABC’s of negativity.
+ What inauthenticity can do to you.
+ How to find your passion and purpose. (And I’m talking the real answers!)
+ Why it’s not wise to compare or have hero’s + much more. (note to self: thou shalt not compare)
My favourite quotes from him were:
“You purpose is always an expression of your highest values”.
“Wisdom is going inside and identifying what is truly important to us and, giving yourself permission to do and be that”.
Now over to you tribe. What did you think of Dr D and this interview?
I used to compare myself to everyone else—a lot. Like I mean with everything: How I looked, the work I did, how much money I made, my shoes, how many clients I had, bags, clothes, my hair, boyfriend, diet, relationships, home, car, happiness…..EVERYTHING!!
However, over my path to wellness I’ve come to realise that comparison was robbing me of happiness. When you are comparing yourself, you are coming from fear (your ego). I used to be so unconscious that I didn’t even realise that. Now I know the truth. Phew!
You see: The ego compares to keep you in suffering and out of your heart. (That’s the ego’s job.)
Why would the ego do that?
Because the ego can NOT survive in love. So, it will do whatever it takes to keep you out of your heart, like comparing. It’s just another sneaky trick of the ego.
When I was in comparing mode, nothing flowed in my life. I would compare how many clients I had with others. As a result, I had none. I would compare my money situation. And money never flowed. I compared my relationship and it flopped. I compared how I looked and could never shift the weight. But, as soon as I realised this, I remembered that I have a choice. I can choose to come from love. So I did just that.
Now clients are drawn to me and I am fully booked (without any marketing). Money is always flowing. My relationship freaking rocks. I am so content in my skin. Best of all, it’s so much nicer and effortless coming from love.
So I invite you to catch yourself next time you go into compare mode. Gently remind yourself to slide on back down into your heart.
It’s so much warmer in there.
Originally featured on Move Nourish Believe
Welcome to Believe Bootcamp. Over the coming weeks I’m going to help you karate chop any of those negative beliefs you’re holding on to and bust through the ‘mean girl’ self talk. We’re going to work our self-love muscle and fist pump our way through life. Gorgeous girl – it’s time to live your best life!
We all know that it isn’t just about what we eat – there’s more to it than that. When we take a Move.Nourish.Believe approach, in other words we get a ‘fit’ mind, body and spirit we are ready to start living the life of our dreams.
“Your thighs are fat. Your skin is dull.” …“You’re never going to earn the type of money you want. Financial freedom won’t happen for you. You’re not smart enough.” …“Who do you think you are helping people? No one is going to listen to you. Writing books HAHA good one.”…“She’s prettier than you. She’s skinnier than you. You’re not good enough.”
Meet my mean girl!
This is what was on constant replay in my head for years, over and over again and, the worst part was I believed it! I totally 100% believed every word. I lived in a constant state of fear, comparison and lack. All because I let me mean girl (aka, my ego) run the show.
You see everyone has an ‘ego’. But, the difference between let’s say the Dali Lama and me was he’d put his ego on mute. It’s there, he’s aware of it, but it does not control his life. Mine however a few years back had the volume cranked up high. At the time I didn’t realise this. I just thought it was ‘normal’ to have this loud ‘voice’ inside my head (btw – this is different to someone who is actually hearing voices. What I’m talking about is that internal dialogue or self-talk we all have going on).
I had accepted this voice. Until I landed in hospital, opened my first Louise Hay book and it hit me like a tone of bricks (thank you Lou!)
BOOM! “Holy s#@t!” I thought. I asked my Mum to bring me in a journal and I started writing. I wrote down everything my mean girl had been saying to me (there was about 7 seven pages I might add). Then I went back and re read them one at a time and I asked myself ‘is this true’? Do I have evidence that I am a dump, stupid, fat, idiot? The answer came loud and clear: NO! NO! and NO!.
So, why had I let my mean girl take over?
Because I didn’t know there was another way. I didn’t know that ‘power is always in the present moment’. All that mean girl talk was stuff from the past – holding on to a nasty comment someone had made years before, or the ‘out of context’ comment I’d overheard. It wasn’t true and most importantly it didn’t exist in the here and now. Now I know all this and so now I can choose to be present AND be in a constant state of love. It’s all my choice. It’s yours too gorgeous.
Of course my mean girl pops up here and there (always when I am in my head and not in the present moment, I’d like to add). But now I quickly catch her and bring my attention back into the present moment.
It really is simple. You don’t need any fancy equipment, tools or manuals. No one can ‘fix’ you, give you the magic pill or wave a wand.
It’s time to change the tune beautiful. No more negative self-talk and putting your cute self down. It’s time to really believe that you are amazing, unstoppable and beautiful.
Think you can do it?
We are so connected way too often these days, with email, social media, blogs, iPads, radio, the news (Oh jeezz! I get a headache just thinking about it!) we don’t know how to get distance from these electronic gizmos. But, it’s vital for our health, happiness, and relationships that we take time out and unplug from it all from time to time.
As of Friday, I will be unplugging until Monday night. I am headed down south with my man for a getaway. We’re off camping. I am beyond excited to be in nature and go on adventures together.
Computers are NOT to be brought with us and iPhones are only allowed for taking photos (according to my boy). I can’t wait to just BE for three whole days…BLISS!
I invite you to unplug also this Easter long week-end. ‘But what will I do?’, I hear you say.
Try any of these:
- Take time out with your loved ones.
- Go to the park.
- Sit under a tree.
- Take a bath,
- Or just be!
Don’t read the papers, watch the news or listen to the radio. Take time out away from everything and really indulge in the most important thing we can’t buy: Love!
How are you going to unplug this long weekend, darling?
Recently I had the pleasure of meeting the incredible Christine Hassler whilst she was working out here. For those of you who don’t know Christine ill give you a little background on her. She was a successful Hollywood agent at 25 and left this job to pursue a life she could be passionate about . . . but it did not come easily. After being inspired by her own unexpected challenges and experiences, she realized her journey was indeed her destination. In 2005, she wrote the first guide book written exclusively for young women, entitled 20 Something 20 Everything. Christine’s second book, The 20 Something Manifesto written for men and women stems from her experience coaching twenty-something’s.
Today, she supports individuals in discovering the answers to the questions: “Who Am I, What do I want, and How do I get it?” Christine is a Life Coach with a counseling emphasis specializing in relationships, career, finances, self-identity, personal and spiritual growth. Her expertise is centered on the twenty and early thirty something years of life. She is passionate about busting the myth that the twenty something years are about living by a checklist and having it all figured out.
In our chat Christine get’s open, real and honest about her story and shares so many nuggets of wisdom with us. She is such a beautiful soul and I know you guys are going to love her.
Now, over to you beautiful! What did you think of what Christine had to share?