The other day, I found myself agonising over something that wasn’t even mine. A situation that occurred with a particular friend was really taking up space in my mind. When I actually stopped and checked in with myself, I realised that it wasn’t even mine. I had no actual part in the situation. But, I was making it mine.
I thought (thought being the operative word) that, because it had come up and was sitting in front of me, then it must be mine. There must be something in it for me: a lesson, an opportunity for growth, something…anything. That’s how I look at everything—always willing to see how I can grow or what I can learn from every opportunity.
But, in actual fact, this wasn’t mine. This was a beautiful lesson for someone else. I was just part of that unfolding.
It’s so easy to take on other people’s sh%t, unconsciously. This is why we have to be present all the time. Otherwise, we will own problems that aren’t actually ours.
Check in with yourself. Make sure you aren’t taking on other people’s crap. Next time you are in a situation, ask yourself: “Hang on a minute! Is this even mine?”
This will save you a lot of heartache and unnecessary confrontation.
If, however, the situation does trigger you and you feel charged by what has unfolded then, yes, my sweet friend, there is a little gift in it for you. And in that case, own it and take full responsibility for it. Don’t projectile vomit it onto anyone else.
Imagine if we all took full responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Oh what a different place the world in which we live would be.
Have you ever felt this before, my love? Have you ever thought something was yours when, in actual fact, it wasn’t? Share with me in the comments below.
I’ve always been one to question and challenge the rules. In school, I always hated being told what to do and never wanted to conform. So, to live in a world full of rules makes me want to challenge the social significance of these rules.
We must finish school, go to Uni, and get a good, well-paying job. We are expected find a life partner (no pressure or anything!), buy a house, have a couple of kids, and get a dog.
But why do we have to subscribe to this model?
Why can’t we make our own rules and follow what feels right for us?
I know you then expose yourself to ‘being different’ or ‘standing out’. But, who cares? Don’t you want to be happy and live from love?
Easier said than done! Right?
Some of the world’s most famous and innovative leaders like Gandhi, Jesus Christ, The Beatles, and Steve Jobs were first laughed at and ridiculed and even crucified for choosing love, stepping up, and standing out. What if they had just sat back and conformed?
The pressure we feel from our family or society and ultimately the pressure we place on ourselves is not coming from love.
So, when you feel yourself needing to conform, ask yourself:
What would love do?
This is how I constantly stay on path and check in with myself.
If something feels right for you but it goes against the grain, still do it. Don’t avoid doing something because of fear.
Dive deep and stay true to yourself. This is the biggest gift you can give yourself, my love.
Do you find yourself conforming to other people rules and letting your truth slip? Share with me in the comments below.
This can often happen when you first enter a new romantic relationship. After your first date, you may find yourself future tripping about how many children you will have together. After the first kiss, you might future trip about baby names. The first time you stay over at his place, you may future trip over where you will live, what your wedding will look like, or what your first name sounds like with your date’s last name.
We women are crazy future trippers. It’s beautiful to feel love and get excited about the possibilities. But, future tripping is taking you out of the here and now which is the only moment we truly have.
Future tripping pulls us out of the moment.
We can even future trip in our business or career. It’s great to set intentions for what you want to create and do. However, it is important not to get attached to the trip. It’s almost like you see the vision, and then let it go.
The same goes for relationships. You can clock it but then let it go. If you hold onto it, you are not only taking yourself out of the present moment. This will create an expectation of how things ‘should’ look or unfold.
In order to be completely open to all possibilities we must let go of this.
Now, I want to hear from you. Have you future tripped recently? If so what over?
Start that dream project.
Let yourself fall deeper in love with that person.
Join that team.
Apply for that position.
It’s time to stop holding yourself back, my sweet friend!
I kicked off my Step It Up tour last Saturday in Sydney. I was speaking to a few girls after the event and they were sharing with me how they are really letting their mean girl (aka ego) hold them back from doing and achieving what they truly want in life.
Your mean girl’s job is to keep you small. Remember that!
She doesn’t want you to shine bright and be the best version of yourself. Your true self does though
So let me ask you this: Are you letting your mean girl hold you back? It’s time to step up and listen to your true self. No more letting your mean girl run the show. You were born to shine so brightly, my darling.
One of the biggest gifts we can give to the world is our uniqueness and authenticity.
So give it!
You are perfect, beautiful, and divine just the way you are.
To really hold you accountable, I want you to share with me in the comments below. What are you holding yourself back from?
I grew up with my Mamma saying this to me. To be honest, I thought it was a load of bullocks.
I thought: I don’t need to be my own best friend. I have loads of best friends already.
It wasn’t until my early twenties when I hit rock bottom that I was aware of the destructive relationship I had with myself. In that moment, when I was lying in hospital, I realised that I treated myself like crappola. I spoke to myself like a piece of s%$t on my shoe and I had no idea what self-love was.
I guess the best thing about hitting rock bottom is the only way is up.
Lying in that hospital bed, I experienced my first introduction to self-love.
Every night in hospital, I listened to Louse Hay on my iPod until I fell asleep. I played with angel cards and I journaled every day. To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing. But, it felt right. It’s like I had no choice but to do those things.
Being your own bestie is really quite simple. Here’s how you get started:
- The first thing you need to do is speak to yourself nicely. Catch your mean girl when she speaks to you like crap and change her tone.
- When my mean girl has spoken to me meanly, I often place my hands on my heart and say, “I love you darling. Everything is okay.” Speak to yourself as you would your best friend.
- Ask yourself: Would I speak to my best friend like this? If the answer is, “No!” then quit doing it to yourself.
The most important thing to remember is that, in order to nurture your relationship with yourself, you need to be gentle and come from love. Forgive yourself for stuffing up. Slide back down into your heart and out of your head.
Do you treat yourself like you are your own bestie?
Gala Darling is a sassy New Zealander living in New York, teaching women how to love themselves. We talk the same talk and walk the same walk. I’ve been reading her blog for years now. Last Friday, I had the absolute pleasure of sharing the stage with this superstar at Earth Events Radical Self Love Party.
On the outside, Gala looks like a party girl. However, I was blown away by how poised and grounded this woman is. She was incredibly centred, sure of herself, and completely comfortable in her skin. I LOVE seeing this. I think this is one of the sexist qualities a woman can possess.
As Gala and I spoke about life and love, I began to fall more and more in love with her. What was it about her that drew me in? It was her authenticity! She was completing transparent, real, open, and honest. I love that. I want to be the most authentic version of myself so I get off on meeting other really real people. You can smell phoniness a mile away. It’s so unattractive. Frankly I don’t have much time for people who aren’t authentic.
I believe one of our greatest jobs here on earth is to be the most authentic version of ourselves. For me, this wasn’t always a smooth ride. I came from an industry where you are moulded into so many different things that it’s easy to lose sight of the real you. When I left acting, modeling, and dancing I had no idea who I was. Talk about identify crises. I honestly had no idea who Melissa Ambrosini was without being given a role to play. But, I soon began to realise that the truth of who I am is love.
I am not my job, the size of my bank account, my body weight, or my status.
I am me. I am love.
All we have to do is be us–the most real us. How this is received is not our business. As long as you keep showing up as the real you, you’ll be sweet.
Now, I want to hear from you, my beautiful tribe. How do you go about being authentic? Do you think authentic is sexy? Share with me in the comments below.
Why are we here? What is this all for?
I am fascinated by these questions and wanted to share with you my thoughts + the thoughts of some of my dear friends on why we believe we are here.
I believe we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. This human experience is to remember the truth of who we are. The challenge is to choose love over fear in every moment and to live and love fully, completely, and wholeheartedly.
The world isn’t against us. We didn’t come here to live a hard, effortful life. We came here to live a full, colourful life full of passion and purpose—whatever that may look like for you.
It’s all a game. When we truly realise this, we start to have fun and play with it. I believe our biggest job here on this earth is to be the most authentic version of ourselves and to find what makes our heart sing.
We need to start to nurture our uniqueness and to give that back to the world. We are all so divinely different! To give this back whilst being of service is one of our greatest jobs here on earth.
I believe we are here to awaken. We are so much more than our physical bodies and our circumstances but we have forgotten this, and our experiences here on Earth are manifested to help us remember. Life doesn’t have to be hard, scary and full of struggle. It can be fun and effortless! We are here to recognise where we have disconnected and forgotten our truth and to then take the journey to remember. We do this by seeing all of the ways we have made fear more real than love, believed in limitation rather than our infinite potential and kept ourselves small rather than shining our light. The journey of life can be full of freedom if we are willing to embrace our challenges, heal our limited thinking and reconnect with the power that exists within us at all times.
You are here to love. You are here to learn. You are here to grow. You are here to play. You are here to create. You are here to evolve yourself. You are here to evolve your family. You are here to evolve your world. You are here to make a difference. You are here to play and have a good time. You are here to raise your level of awareness. You are here to express the uniqueness of your soul. You are here to become more than you think you can be. You are here to develop a state of connectedness with all things. You are here to realise who you really are beyond your physical form. You are here to realise your eternal nature whilst living within the temporal. You are ultimately here to awaken.
I believe our purpose in life is to align with our highest self. To listen to our body, learn to trust, learn to love, and to take the leaps of faith we know we’re meant to take in order to experience the fullest, most rewarding time on earth.
We are here in human form to discover the truth. We are here to pierce the layers of illusion and learn the ultimate Reality. There is no separation, only Oneness. When we live that as an experience and not an idea, we are free of the binding effects of the Matrix. This is moksha- Freedom.
Our souls are in constant pursuit of their fullest expression. Our biggest job – and our most sacred assignment – is find what makes us truly come alive. That means: following our curiosities, embracing our contradictions, listening to our heart’s desires and while we do all that, making a commitment to add more love to the world. That’s what we’re here to do. To love and live – fully.
I believe we are on this earth to play and be love, moment by moment. To be free and limitless by coming home and realising who we truly are is not in things, or even this body. As I look from my soul and out through these eyes into this world, realising it is just a reflection of who I truly am. Knowing this and accepting others and all things by appreciating them as just parts of myself. Feeling this truth as the love that runs through me in each moment and knowing this is who I am, the energy of love being expressed in limitless ways. For us then to live this by not giving in to feeling separate or by feeding any fear based thoughts, rather having the courage to simply be our truest, authentic and brightest expression of this energy is what I believe we are here for, this is our journey. So follow what you love, let go of that which does not feed your soul and give to this moment with an open and fearless heart.
I believe why we are here on earth is to evolve. We arrive with a set of learnings that need to occur, and we achieve this evolution through experience. All experiences are a great opportunity to grow, and so we should welcome it and not resent any experience that we pass through. Grounding ourselves and looking within is incredibly important for evolution, and there are many tools for this, vedic meditation being on of them. I think we should be the most interesting, creative, happiest version of ourselves possible, and take ourselves to the world in this space. Our goals should be broad and diverse, and serve not only ourselves, but also others. This sounds kind of lofty, but we need to aim high, and be expansive. We will be at our best when we are not rigidly attached to outcomes, but are easy and fluid in our adaption to circumstances that don’t play out the way we had hoped. The art of life is the agility to navigate with grace when things don’t go to plan, and to really rejoice when they do.
Why we are here is often something some of us have never even thought about, so I invite you know to stop and ponder on why you think we are here? I would love to hear your thoughts on this so share with me in the comments below.
It showed up with a particular friend and I quickly caught it. I almost vomited in my mouth. It was so gross. I excused myself from the room and went to the bathroom.
As I stood in the bathroom and re-grounded myself, I really allowed that feeling to be there. I reminded myself that whatever I want from the other person, I have to first GIVE to myself.
You want love? Give love to yourself.
You want acceptance? Accept yourself.
You want approval. Freaking approve of yourself!
Stop looking for someone else to give you those things—whether it’s with your partner, your bestie, or a family members. Notice when you require something (anything) externally. Quickly re-ground yourself and give it all back to you.
Place your hands over your heart and repeat a beautiful mantra such as: “I love and accept myself!” Repeat it over and over again. This helps.
Try this the next time you find yourself swimming in neediness or seeking approval and acceptance externally.
Now, I want to hear from you. Have you found yourself sitting in that icky feeling of neediness and not sure how to get out? What did you do to swim to the top?
Guest post by Tom Cronin
Hi, my name is Tom Cronin, and I’m an addict.
There you go, I have said it. I put it out there, and it’s true- I’m an addict. I’m addicted to my Iphone, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, emails, texts, Voxer, Heytell and Viber. I’m addicted to social media. I’m addicted to social interaction.
Last week I took this photo. It was a line of people queuing up for the bus at Bondi Junction. All twenty of them had their head down engaged in their smart phones. I thought to myself “Wow, look at all those people addicted to technology; addicted to their phones. I’m going to take a photo of that and post it on Instagram!”
And that’s when I had the epiphany. That’s when the light went on and I realised- “Holy smoke! Hang on a second, I’m one of those people too (as I typed away on my phone adding the photo to IG!!)”
It was there and then that I made a decision. I had to make some changes. I needed to some how cut back on my addiction and deal with this. I can’t go on at this rate of checking my phone every few minutes. So I decided the first thing I would do is dedicate one day a week to being Iphone and laptop free. The best day I felt for this was Sunday. This made sense as it was always meant to be a day of rest.
Well that day has now passed and I have to say, it was AMAZING!! I loved it. There was a real shift. I tell you it was a very tangible difference to my day with the phone off and hidden in a cupboard. I felt more connected with nature, more present, more engaged with the moment. No one could contact me and I couldn’t contact anyone else. I have to tell you it was weird driving and not checking my phone at the traffic lights. I felt liberated!
Here’s the interesting thing, the world was still there when I came back. Nothing had changed. Billions of data bits were still swirling around in the virtual world with or without me. All I’d done was step off the merry go round for a day and had a rest from it. Like an information holiday! I had an amazing day. I went to yoga class, then meditated after that on the beach, had a big family breakfast, then a lunch for Father-in-Laws birthday. I rode skateboards, jumped on a pogo stick and shot hoops with my kids, then we all meditated and had dinner and read books. Pure, wholesome, simple, and darn good fun!
So I’ve decided that one day a week I am going to go technology free. No phone, no laptop, no media (newspapers included). I feel we are at a tipping point. We have only had Iphones since 2005. So in 7 years in the entire history of mankind we have become totally addicted to this information absorption! Where does it go from here? How far into this hunger for information can we go? If this is where we are now, where will we be in another 7 years? Or even 20 years? Can we cope with that much information? Or will we see more people like myself start to pull back, and return to basics?
The big question is, are you an addict also? Do you need to start addressing this problem? Here are some questions for you.
- Do you check your phone at traffic lights in your car (or worse, while you are driving!)?
- Do you take your phone with you to the toilet?
- Do you check your phone during meals?
- Are you sneaking out of meetings, functions or dinners to check your phone?
- Do you leave your phone on at night and answer any texts or calls that wake you up?
If you answer yes to 1 or 2 of them you may want to start to assess your situation. Is your phone ruling your life? Are you being distracted from the immediate world around you? Do you want to join me in the information revolution? Give it a try, just for one day a week and see how different it feels. I dare you!
The answer to this is quite simple: A decision made from fear feels tight and constricted. Confusion starts swirling around your pretty, little head. You begin to feel overwhelmed.
A decision from love comes from a totally different space. It’s effortless, spacious and natural. There is usually no thought about it. It just is!
It’s easy to let confusion really kick in and take over. But remember: Confusion is ego. The truth of who you are is never confused. You are infinite! Remember this the next time confusion rears its head.
I still catch myself today feeling ‘confused’ at moments. But, I quickly remind myself of the truth. It really is that simple.
Have you had an experience of feeling confused before only to realise you were all up in your head? How did you overcome this? Share with me in the comments below.