Why I Love The Man I Love0
After this movie, I pondered on where I am in my life. Am I still trying to control things? What came up for me was my relationship.
You see: This is the first relationship I have ever been in where my partner doesn’t need me and I don’t need him. We live very independent lives—but together, if that makes sense.
We’re like two trees that stand proud and tall next to each other. Our branches sometimes sway in the same direction and sometimes they don’t. But, deep under the ground, our roots are interlocked. This is what happens when you date a super conscious being.
The first time Jamie said to me, ‘I love you. But, if one day you wake up and you don’t feel the same way then please honour yourself, honey, and leave. Don’t stay for me.’
‘HOLY SHIT! Did he actually just say that?’ said my mean girl.
Now, the old me would have gone ballistic at this statement. But, I thought: How freeing! and let the feeling of nonattachment wash over me.
You see: In all my past relationships, I have filled void in them and they have filled a void in me. We ‘needed’ each other so to speak. But the truth was: We were just using each other to mask the emptiness we felt within ourselves.
I am still getting used to this conscious relationship business. But don’t get me wrong! There are moments when I go into complete needy mode. Times when I expect him to show up and be perfect so as to fit into my mould, so I don’t have to see myself and sit with my own pain. But Jamie will not entertain it. He will never pine to me, rescue me, and stop me from experiencing what I need to experience. If he can see I am about to hit a road block, he will let me hit it head first, I might add, in order for me to fully experience what I needed to experience and grow. If he saves me (which is what all my other relationships have been like) he is not allowing me to evolve and expand.
So if he is not filling a void in me, and I am not filling one in him then what the heck is the point of being together? I found myself asking this question.
Well it’s simple: Because we love to be, its fun!
I would love to share this journey with Jamie right now.
Forever? Who freaking knows and who cares.
All I know is that I choose to hold his hand right now.
I cannot tell you how amazing this type of relationship is. There’s no neediness, just pure freedom. No checking in (which I am still getting used to) as we both travel a lot doing what we love. No trying to fix, change, or improve the other person (again, I am working on it!) Just pure freedom.
Two people playing together on each others own journey.